yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
