dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
