I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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