party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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