Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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