Nicole vs. Life
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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