you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
