oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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