The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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