a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
