We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
