He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can text with my tongue
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
