Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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