he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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