I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
