yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
