Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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