morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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