I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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