she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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