Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
