lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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