she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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