Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
