Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
