Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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