Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
