ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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