Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
