remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
