Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
A+ Viking dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
