Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
