Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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