The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
