Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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