Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
