I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
