after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
