This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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