Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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