haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
