I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
