when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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