if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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