You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
