He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
