i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
