Buhtt sex?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
