My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
