Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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