Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
